dreaming in colour

latest addiction...

Please, don't buy me these and if you do you should flush them down the toilet first. Thank you.

where...

could you be?

Creature Comforts

Love the Brazillian lion!

A shout out to my comrades

I salute you with our anthem from times past.

the view inside my kitchen bowl

Carry on

It's not that this past year has been the most painful - yes there's been some, there will be more. But more than that this has just been one of the most difficult, confusing and lonely times I have ever been through. But there's no easy answer. In my earlier years my impulses would have kicked in by now and I would be across the ocean somewhere - until people started telling me I probably use that as escape. (I never saw it that way - it just seemed to be time.) However, a friend mentioned the other day that he wonders how much of all this is environmental. How, though you know you can't blame everything on the place, there is a lot to be said for being somewhere you actually want to be. So now we are in testing mode.

Maybe they are right, maybe these are growing pains, maybe emptiness comes before fulfillment, maybe loneliness is a temporary cocoon, maybe pointlessness evolves into an obvious direction... maybe... We're testing out the mechanism. Some would say, "If you're not happy do something about it." I'm doing what I can, where I am, giving myself less time to think, less idle time. (thus a 2nd job) Trying to make friends, think more about others, fold my clean laundry :), read, sing. A few things I hope to do: volunteer at the children's ward at the hospital, take ice skating lessons, buy some roller skates, learn an interesting instrument like peruvian cane flute or piccolo and finally... "This above all: to thine ownself be true"

One year

... has passed since the birth of my blog! It was a year that carries some of my saddest memories and experiences, and yet some fonder ones too. Though in many ways it's easy for me to look back with regret and remorse, I can somehow see a silver lining - the faint glow of the sun behind heavy grey storm clouds. Rom 8:28, right? I feel this has been a year of growing that otherwise I might not have done. I can't let guilt steal the experience gained. But now my future is here right now and my spirit is tired, my flesh is even weak and I feel like I have been brought to my knees, gravity pulls my head lower - I feel alone. Alone in my thoughts with no one to hear. But I won't give up, I am so close... to something... choices, decisions, fears... so many. Anyone have answers? No, not for me. You have the answer for you, not for me. Nobody knows the answer, only I do. I have the answer, but it's so faint I can't hear. I can't figure it out alone, I'm scared, nothing is clear, confusion confusion confusion... I won't let my head fall, but it seeks to have me.

Extraviada.

Find me please.

Felicidades

Feliz cumpleaños Mig! Te deseo un año lleno de amor, de felicidad y mas importante muchos tacos que extraño tanto tanto! (tu sabes quales.. esos que son estilo "Abastos") sale? :) Bueno, en serio, espero que encuentras todos tus sueños y deseos este año (sin la necesidad de conocer mujeres mal como yo :D) Disfruta la vida a cada oportunidad y nunca pierdas el fuego de cambiar el mundo! Eres mi héroe! Que tengas un dia MARAVILLOSO!

How's my Spanish doing?? hehe. I try I try.

Here's to the crazy one you see up there.

The misfit.

The rebel.

The troublemaker.

The round peg in the square hole.



The one who see things differently.

He's not fond of rules. (he's made this point many a time now... eheh)

And has no respect for the status quo.



You can praise him, disagree with him, quote him,

disbelieve him, glorify or vilify him.

About the only thing you can't do is ignore him.

Because he wants to change things.


He cares. He imagines. He heals.
He explores. He loves. He inspires.
He pushes the human race forward.


Maybe he has to be crazy.


While some see him as the crazy one,
I couldn't agree more :) but I would have to add that I also see him as hero to me and to many.


Because the people who are crazy enough to think
they can change the world, are the ones who do.

-- Adapted

And that's what you're doing Mig. You don't let hard times, the heart break, your personal wants or gain stop you, you just do. Happy birthday!! May this year be a fresh clean slate in your life and may you continue to touch hearts and lives with your simple faith and love.

Yeehaw!

I am now the proud owner of a baby mac! It's a 12" iBook G4, just a wittle guy, but what do I need a fancy dancy computer for? I just like to stay connected to the world and for this it suits me fine. Man! I'm all mac'd out, I never would have thought! I got an iPod for christmas and then Jason sold me this notebook cheap cheap, well as far as apple goes anyway. I like the "niftyness" of the display and look of everything compared to windows/PCs, plus the white just makes it look a little bit classy somehow. So yay! Happy happy!

Today I realized how annoying SO many girls are. They're all like, "nooooooooo, don't take pics of me!! I hate being photographed!!" "I'm so ugly! I hate the camera!" You're like "chill the flip out! I just want to record some moments, quit runing every shot with your 'trying to hide yet look hot' poses!" It's not like your fake coy look is going to make you look any better, in fact you're going to look rather dumb. Yeah, I'm peeved that some people ruined so many could have been good pics.

BUT I HAVE A LAPTOP SO I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU!!

PS As you can see below I will gladly admit that I enjoy being in photo!!! YEEEHAAAW!

some more frolic and fun

what's better...

when it comes to posting pics,,, a small link to separate photo album which allows you to view one by one or all photos posted one after the other directly onto the blog so you can view them all at once?

hmmmm..... can I relate.....

Yes... yes, APPARENTLY I can!

and all that jazz...

theater


chicago



me



food

so

my blog has been styoooooopid lately, so I'm gonna try bring it back around to reflect something that I actually like.... how about some pictures?

back to front, it's like an artsy like photo.
some sexy biotches
yeah ok fine, that was a pose.
Ahoy! It's me arse!

instantly I am nothing

sometimes an instant passes and your eyes are opened
sometimes in an instant you realise everythings' changed
in an instant what was is no longer, no more
sometimes it's that instant you hope goes away
but it's here, right now, right here - you can't escape

must you remind me again of what I don't have?
must you so quickly intrude only to leave me alone?
if you have such effect can't you answer my question?
I can't handle not knowing, not understanding completely
you cracked open a door, when I wanted my darkness
now that I see it, I'm not sure I can keep away
you fascinate me with your warmth and your light
but the cold, in the cold it's much safer, less risky

oh why must I think? it hurts me, such pain
can't I be content with nothing and less?
why must you remind me? the damage is done
and then... it came, it stayed, it passed, life goes on
but it haunts my heart, my soul night and day

New hair! Weeeeee

Going to a pink party with ma sexy hair.


We so smokin'!

tonight...

I miss you

Necessito un amigo invisible

To me, the best thing about working a lot is that you don't feel guilty for taking down time. Like today, I did.... nada and I feel good about it. I worked 6 days this week so I felt I deserved to not do anything that required any other movement than the type-typeddy of my fingers and a shower. I feel good today, just tired. I am used to getting more than enough sleep so it's a bit of a change for to have to just get enough. It's funny, sometimes my thoughts are clearer when my body is tired. It's like, I don't have the energy to race through thoughts at a billion miles an hour so I'll just choose one or something and think about it. So today I pondered a little, but not too much as I tend to flip-out when I do. Gotta learn to stay in the safe zone.

Oh! Happy news for me! Finger's crossed I shall be visiting Mexico in the summer or fall!! Two of my beloveds are hopefully moving to Cuernavaca soon which is just perfect as it's not as expensive to fly to Mexico City as it is to MTY and I would loooove to see them. I'd love to see others too so if you can make it to el DF sometime around that time that would be too awesome! Like these guys who too are a little bit awesome.

Tonight I create SCHNITZEL... possibly with noodles, possibly without, but that's not important. What's important is my need for brown paper packages tied up with string with a few of my favourite things inside. And no Mig, no taunting me with your sex guide books!! :D

.....extravadia.....

It's been hard finding my bearings or gaining real traction. I feel like, so here I am, out here. I go about my day to do the things that I must do to get... somewhere. I don't know where that is. I don't know and it's freaking me out that I don't know. It's not even self discipline I am worried about, I just don't know what I care about and I know I am not going put my heart and soul into doing something if I don't care about it. I want to do something I believe in otherwise I really won't give enough of a shit to go for it. There's no way I am going to become someone who is just satisfied working some stupid job for some stupid company that sells... paper clips or a "post-it" sales rep. Maybe having paper clips and post-it's is convenient in someone's life, but hell if I care! Ok I know I am being a bit extreme, but the thought of living a STUPID routine for the rest of my life - no matter what it is - is enough to make my head spin. This isn't about money either. Looking for a job that pays me a 6 figure salary. I was thinking today actually - so I go to work all week to make money to live and do things to keep me entertained. I am not a big spender and easily live without feeling the need to constantly buy and collect crap. Materially, there just isn't a lot that I REALLY can't live without - it just doesn't interest me. Now and then I see things I like and If I need something I may buy it, but once I have a good little collection of the necessities I'm good. So what's the big deal with having money anyway? I want to go places and experience things, perhaps that's all I really need it for, but what about my LIFE?

Man, I'm like a silly disillusioned little teenager.




Ok nevermind, maybe I just figured it out! I am single with nobody I love relying on me to support them. Maybe the day I have kids [HA!] of my own I would just need to buckle down and do it? Meh! :( I feel like I am supposed to be more dynamic than that.

I am gonna go soak myself in the tub and hope for an epiphany.

PS. I haven't forgotten the pics.

PPS. I like this template!!!

WHEW!

I caught January before it snatched a month off of my blog! Now I will retain my faux faithful image. It's strange to think it has already been a whole month since my last post but at the same time this month has crawled by so slowly... so slowly by.

I want to start writing again in this old thing as it was really helping me gather my thoughts at times and expressing the seeming inexpressibles, of which there are often many. How about a new look? Yes I think this calls for one. I kinda left off really getting into details since leaving Denver and moving to Sacramento so...

My life to date in summary.... next time! :) Hey come on! It takes time!
I have pics to post too so stay tuned.

Smoochers for youchers.

a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I was seriously considering just being home alone for Christmas, after all what's the big deal? It's just a day, really. But at the same time there's a certain feeling of sadness accompanied with the thought as the day draws nearer and nearer. This past week I have had my first taste of being completely without anyone I feel close to, only surrounded by strangers and strangers I see often. I tried to remedy this by volunteering at a shelter to feed to the homeless. Unsuccesful it was and I was somewhat rudely denied. I wasn't about to be defeated so quickly so I called around some more places but found out that the "goodwill towards all men positions" had been filled, so I lamely gave up. I was thinking I would be fine and prepared to make a weekend of hot cocoa and Gene Kelly movies. But upon further consideration of truly spending Christmas solita, I felt a jolt up my spine that told me such an act would be just the start of my fear of being alone becoming a reality in the long run and that, however superstitious it may sound to others, it would be just a bad omen on this new chapter in my life. It's rather ironic as I really like being alone and hate making random conversation with people who I sometimes feel I am actually forcing myself to hang out with, really just hoping to spark something "real", possibly an excuse to speak with them again, maybe a 3rd time even but have found I have a hard time keeping anything regular going. My combination of shyness, quirky humour and an inability to bullshit my way into sounding intelligent or knowledgable about anything that anyone, other than Angie Luna, finds interesting or funny makes me take to the non-people zones - so I suppose you could say my "hate" is just the bi-product of my self-consciousness and lack of wit. hehe!

Man! I wish I didn't have issues like I do, kinda pisses me off ya know? I want to be content with who I am but it's hard when you feel like you suck most of the time. Accepting yourself sometimes feels like you're compromising just for peace of mind and who wants to compromise?

Well my resolution for this year is to ease up on myself and not take myself quite so serisously.

PS, I didn't end up alone on Christmas. I caught the train to Berkeley, CA to visit some family who I don't know very well and it's been nice. I suppose networking, even if you're just starting with your own family, is one sure way to avoid ending up alone. One person at a time, that's not too scary.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

It begins!

newly renovated cathedral

la la la... I love to skate, but those skates KILLED our feet!!

woooh! go Jason!

Jason, hating me for not leaving him alone

Keenan, enjoying the wine... obviously

El Chef (Mike) killing *carving* the turkey

Pretty Kristina

mmmmmm, what a lovely combination

Happy *out of focus* Thanksgiving

More pics coming soon!

party party party

This weekend was soopa soopa! first we ... then we ... haha, this is great! I feel so eloquent! :)

You'll never walk alone

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams
Be tossed and blown

Walk on..
Walk on..
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Remember this song? Haven't heard it in years, but I think it's a beautiful, simple song that is so comforting. I want to dedicate this to a special friend. I know it's not much, but I hope it warms your heart a little.

Super Balls in San Francisco

This falls into the category of 'things you don't see every day.' In order to herald the arrival of the their new Bravia LCD line of televisions, Sony decided to demonstrate their screen color capacity in a unique way. They televised 250,000 multi-colored superballs bouncing down the streets of San Francisco.

This is pretty spectacular and I quite love the song!

HIGH

LOW

Today In History

/sigh... missing you

daaammn, taking the posing a little seriously I'd say! 

red light bulb fun 

Odd shot, taken under the unfluence no less, but I kinda like it 

the rustle of the leaves, the chillness in the air...

You know, there's no point making great claims like "I'm back to stay!" or "I promise to be a faithful blogger!!" cuz it just ain't gonna happen, so y'all are just gonna have to bear with me as I rollercoaster in and outta here.

Oh it's FAAAAAAALL and that means life is happy and cheery. They've set up the outdoor ice-rink downtown which we will be frequenting as soon as we can. Very soon the lights will be up everywhere, I find it amazing how they have a special way of shining even prettier in the crisp cold. I keep hearing about hot cider, what actually is that? It sounds really good and that can only mean we're definitely having some! Oh AND I am totally making PONCHE NAVIDENO, cause that stuff is oh my goodness sooooo frickin' good! Mmmm... just little things to complete the "season to be jolly"... I know, it's usually the season to be stressed and annoyed at the world but you know what?! This year I am actually going to try to enjoy it. But, I am also going to find my enjoyment in the simple things that make this time of year a little bit special. It will be my way of thumbing my nose at the commercialism and silly traditions without all my enjoyment being stolen from me!

Special treat this week.................. photos will be posted in all glory and grandeur, stay tuned.

PS No job yet.

more newness

*Job Interview today - JCrew. Ok yes, it's juuuuust retail but hey you gotta stay afloat! Eeeeek, it's new!! Wondering if I will fit in, but at the same time not caring if I don't - my main concern is that they may want me to wear those clothes... oh help!

*Phone - so you can actually CALL me! w00t! I've been borrowing and just being plain out of touch for so long but glory glory we can start touching again.

*Cold - ok so it's not all that new, but summer is really quite over and I am oh so gonna be enjoying the lovely autumn that is closing in... hmmm... warm cider, mulled wine, pumpkin spice coffee, scarves and mittens, cozing up in a fluffy duvet (something I don't own yet and that fact makes me sad, must save up!!!), soupies of ALL kinds and lots of cuddles.

Went to the city this past weekend as a DJ friend was spinning at a club so we all went to offer support and have ourselves a pretty darn good time. I shall expound later!

Till then........

PRESENTING

just me. I am giving myself a warm welcome (complete with gifts and flowers) for this, my triumphant RE-ENTRY to baring my soul at no one in particular. So, why not picture me lying naked on a bed, with rose pedals strewn over the naughty parts (we can all ponder together what significance that could possibly have to the subject at hand but aaaanyway) Here's to hoping that such fantasies will give you a little bit of an incentive to come again and trust that you just might have something new to read that may make your day or... naaaaw, don't count yourself THAT lucky. Just leave me comments and I promise to think happy thoughts about you.... promise promise!

OK off to the gym for me!