"Lacan says that anxiety is generated when you come too close to the object of desire. This is because the aim of desire is to sustain itself as desire - if you ever really reached what you desire, desire would end because you would be satisfied. In order to continue desiring, you have to sabotage yourself when you get too close to success to postpone the moment of satisfaction as long as possible. So what you want is the possibility or hope of satisfying your desires, but no more than that. When you actually get what you desire, it's horrible, you have to construct some obstacle to keep it at a distance. What seems to have happened to you is that you believe that everything is possible, there are no obstacles, so there is nothing you want.
Fortunately, Lacan offers another mode: drive. Where desire is filled with anguish over the phantasmic lost object that it desperately wants to be reunited with and yet sabotages itself in actually achieving that, for drive, loss is the object. Drive endlessly, relentlessly circulates around the void, continually re-enacting dissatisfaction, the failure of any object to fill that void and be truly satisfying and getting a kind of inert pleasure out of it. Drive is blind and mindless, like in the Disney short The Sorcerer's Apprentice where the enchanted broom floods the room with water and can't be stopped, even when it gets chopped into pieces, it recreates itself and continues.
You create your own absence, you are the lost object. The main problem is that you are making yourself the lost object in the Other's desire. Whoever is waiting for you is dissatisfied with your absence, wondering, "Where is she!?" You are creating loss in the Other, maybe to create a place where you can belong. Your drive should circulate around your own void, not someone else's."
via my bro
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