jouissance

If my feelings get hurt as often as they are, I will cease to feel pain. Is that a new theory you're working on with me, life? Ever just hurt so completely and all encompassing that you just feel nothing? I feel ground up and spit out.

You take the brunt of my frustration and hurt so well, blog. It's not always bad, but when it is it really, really is and I don't know what to do with myself. Maybe I am still in this dark place because I have a fascination with pain and loneliness. Do I romanticize suffering? It seems a common occurrence in humankind, but what benefit does it serve? Evolutionarily speaking, the irrational behaviour of humans is what sets us apart from other animals... we are, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. We want things we can't have and we pine for them harder yet when we are denied them. If we were smart monkeys we would see the unattainable object of our desire as a futile objective and move along to the next best thing that comes our way. Instead, we chase our fantasy and our desire for the forbidden and unavailable fuels our passion, then we sabotage our chances and chase them some more. A cycle of madness.

I need to think about this and figure it out.