Never underestimate the power of carefully worded nonsense

I am learning to find the simple joys to be enjoyed during the long-winded discussions that are held on a daily/bi-daily basis. I think the progress being made is tremendous, I mean look at the proof below!



doodles from mars

Now I will giggle like a silly little girl at the thought of amusing someone with my "wit and cleverness".

AND mooooooving on. So here is the conclusion as it stands (is this it? yes... riiiiight) Well, in honour of wishing and hoping that "this is it" I will continue my post and put into practice that 'feeling, faith and fact' story. We'll just look at the facts. Fact #1. THESE PEOPLE ARE DYSFUNCTIONAL!! (I love throwing that word around and I feel like I deserve to be arrogant) The stress levels here are unacceptably high and I subjecting ourselves to such pain in the name of 'saving money' (which isn't even happening, aarrgghh) is plain unhealthly Fact #2 As home owner Andrew has grown increasingly paranoid with the near death experiences we're experiencing (apparently the last scene three weeks ago, which was the WORST so far, was an actual 'attempt'. This is what she says and she did choose a more severe manner to self harm than usual - so maybe it's true) Anyway, it might sound selfish and callous, but as a homeowner Andrew would not easily be able to find a buyer if she did actually follow through. But ya know? I highly doubt she will! Though who am I?

Fact #3. As is evident by Fact #1 & 2 It is looking like Manny and Lea will move and get their own little place. Lea is a lot better actually and is coming off the meds slowly as they haven't worked for her - 'cept now she IS dependant and coming off is a slow process. Manny too is making considerable progress in his role as dad and is taking care of the kids a little bit better. So right now it's find a place for them to live, daycare for the kids, better jobs and that should be that for them. (though I do think some of us will be on stand by should things act up again) Mom and Eman still plan to go to the Dominican Republic, but they always take forever to get where they are going and that means they'll be around here in Denver for at least 3 to 6 months, if not more. Fact #4 I had to put my foot down and tell them I couldn't move in with them to be the fulltime nany and house cleaner and general person with no life! And they kinda looked at me like... "fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, we can manage without you, and now that we know you are planning on leaving anyway - it's better this way" Dammit, is that a bad thing?? Those kids DO still have parents. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo if this is indeed the plan and nothing changes, EMMA IS FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Ok, this sucks. I feel like I typed that up a little too gleefully and cheerfully, now I feel guilty. I need a good slap! But the reality is this. It's really hard to admit when you are too weak or just not as strong as you thought. I see it as a case of the spirit being willing but the flesh being weak, it's hard admit that. When I arrived here I sorta swooped in thinking I would be some modern day messiah and change the world! I threw my heart and soul into helping, taking off pressure, taking responsibility, helping pay off debts etc etc. And I thought I was doing the right thing. Ok, yes I know I WAS - but I think I threw in a little more than my little heart could handle. It's not like I am throwing up my hands and saying "I give up" BUT I am getting antsier by the day and it's starting to feel right for me to go as everything IS returning to normal and their need for "Emma the Bandaid" is coming to an end. Right now, I feel a little depressed and like I was cheated out of being able to feel that satisfaction that you are supposed to get from helping others. I just don't feel like I really did all that much apart from being a bandaid and maybe a little too much of a martyr than necessary. Maybe i am just greedy for praise and approval? I think I just wanted someone to give me a big hug and say thank you! What you did made a difference! Family can be harsh! But oh well, extra stars in my crown at least - woooowoooo

Crap, now I've made myself sad and I'm tired.

buenas noches