It's hard to imagine that all your time and energy spent on something might have been almost a waste. I just wish I could see OBVIOUS signs to show that not to be the case... but I don't really. M & L + kids have moved out, they moved Friday. She had been doing remarkably better and they seemed happy to be getting out and on with their lives. In any case, it needed to happen so that's not what's terrible. Problem is that they are back on their own and it's looking like things are going back to "the way they've always been" for them.
Ok, so Lea comes over today looking as blue as hell and like she wasn't doing too well. Apparently she hasn't been doing well since the move and it seems to be brought on by the actions of my dearest brother. My bro is just not one to be motivated by another persons needs - don't wanna be too harsh on him really but he's kinda selfish if you ask me. It's frustrating for me to watch as it's almost a sign of extreme ingratitude for all that everyone has done for them, mainly for HIM, in the way that he's kinda letting things unravel in a not so good way (not being the real support that Lea needs other than bringing in the "dough". Well if you can call it that: 6 hours a day, $9 an hour - hmmmm, and the work is not the least bit stressful) Anyway, arrrggghhhhhhh - he's gotta step up to the plate and take control over his family and just TAKE CARE of them! It's up to him, why won't he do it? And then why do I feel it turns into MY responsibility? In my thinking that everything was fine I was ready get back to figuring out my life and getting on with it, but the events I learned about today have made me suddenly uneasy. Let's just say... it's really not over yet! But my opinion of where the problem lies has shifted.
*mental note: don't get married*
It's hard to express this the way I would like to, I hate just bitching and not really making a good point. It's muddled a bit in my head right now as I feel like I've withdrawn emotionally from the "problem area" and I just don't know what to do with myself or what I have to offer anymore. Guess all I can do for now is... pray?
Movie of the day: "Diarios de motocicleta" - Let the world change you... and you can change the world - it inspired me... or maybe he did.
6 comments:
Well I don't think anything you do in kindness is in vain. Ever.
The thing is, you can't change someone unless they want to change themselves. Like that saying, "acknowledging you’re sick is half of the cure”… “You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink” etc etc.
There’s only so much you can do physically, and you’ve just got to have faith that the rest will happen if it’s meant to happen. Hey, even Che Guevara found himself misunderstood and betrayed at the end of his life. So if it gets worse and someone kills you while you’re running in the Bolivian jungle you can smile and say, “hey, I’m in good company!”
...wait a sec, ur just inlove with Sexmex!
dangit Luchi! Why'd you have to go and tell me he was the worlds most wanted Latin?? I was going to claim ignorance! I just may have to fall back onlittle Lord Fauntleroy as my new fantasy man, not sure how his fan club is doing and DON'T TELL ME!!
and thanks. lots of people have been telling me similar things lately, I'll take this as a confirmation that I can't think for myself after all :) Maybe I will end up running through the jungles of Bolivia, maybe I'd bump into Gael if he decided to take the roll as Che again. That'd be great company. (Yeah, it got old. Ok, I'm over him)
I said you can't think for yourself? When where?!?!
well, what I actually mean is that I've been thinking a certain way as of late and on more than one occasion have had people tell me just what you've said and it's all too true. so thus my "can't think for myself" comment.
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