I gotta learn the RULES!!

Well, I had quite the experience last night! It was around 4:30am, I was happy and content sleeping away - mmmmm, nothing quite like sleep. I love it,I love it,I love it! Anyway, I WAS sleeping contently till I was suddenly awaken by the phone ringing. I glanced at the clock, which glared those yellow luminated predawn numbers all too brightly, I groaned, rubbed my eyes and fumbled for the phone. I half expected it to be... somebody, but then reality kicked in, I snapped out of my dream state, when I remembered that... somebody doesn't usually call anymore - oh well, who on earth could this be? (caller ID wasn't giving me any clues either) So I answer and a lady greets me on the other end, though not with a typical "hello" by any means. Instead, I hear "Ok, you're probably going to think this is a dream or that you are going insane - but neither are true. Now listen..."

A chill went up my spine as I envisioned scenes from horror flicks involving telephones and usage of the word "insane". I crept over to the window, parted the blinds no more than a crack and peered down to the street below scanning for a "Scream" character, with boobs! None in sight, I relaxed and let her continue. She started telling me that she was calling from Louisiana and that her fiance was staying here in Denver, for work purposes, in the Aurora area and asked if I had gone out with or met any guys from around there in the past few weeks. See she is an insecure wife to be who got a hold of her man's phone bill and found my number on it - apparently the phone call lasted a whooooole 5 min and when she asked him who it was he apparently shuffled his feet nervously and said "oh some girl asked to borrow my phone", but she wasn't convinced and assumed he must be trying to date me! I was like "whaaaaaaaaaa?? Please explain to me who this person is who has my number on his phone bill!" She didn't want to give me his name right off the bat but she described this fellow and for some reason her discription matched my bartender buddy I have who DOES work in Aurora and who I did "go out" with a few weeks back. I was like, "Holy Crap! Why wouldn't he tell me he was engaged!?!" SO I start trying to explain myself (being TOTALLY honest) "Noo, it's not like that at all! Keith and I are just friends and went out for a drink with a group of friends - I took my car and met them, had a few drinks and went home. It's not what you think at all!" To which she responds "Keith? What are you talking about? I don't know anyone called Keith!" Ehhhehhheheeeehhehehhe... I laughed nervously "OOOOOOPS!" but felt relieved as I didn't feel like going out to find him and smack him for not telling me something as important as that.

Anyway, with this information I returned to puzzled state "A", though now I thought she must be some looney and couldn't for the life of me figure out what was going on, all the while she's begging me to tell HER what's going on. I wreacked my brain as I tried to figure out who this mysterious guy could be, who I could possibly even be dating!! Gasp!! (a bit ironic as I'm currently NOT on the prowl, though at that moment I did secretly wondered if he was cute) She wasn't helping as she sobbed her heart out and pleaded for her and her future husband's ...future. Finally, FIIIIIIINALLY I thought about an incident say three weeks back when I had gone downtown one Saturday night and had forgotten the phone at home. I remember I was freezing and felt like I was getting sick and no one else wanted to go home just then. I was annoyed and walked off to look for a phone so I could get Manny or someone to pick me up. Low and behold there at the bar sat a sad, sorry, though thoroughly good looking fellow. The coast seemed clear, he sat there alone, so I figured he'd lend me his cell phone - it's rare a guy would turn down a damsel in distress and this occasion was no exception. (well, actually not true, I wasn't looking at the coast at all - I just wanted to use his phone, not jump his bones so I wasn't concerned if a girlfriend was around or not! Damn those rules that I still don't know!!!!) In the end I realised the connection and as much as I tried to explain yet again the scenario - she didn't sound too much happier as I had just confirmed 3/10 of her suscpicions, that I had been in within 5 feet of her fiance, IN a bar and on said night! Wow, I think I'm in love or something!!! There wasn't any more to be said so she thanked me for my explanation and finally let me hang up. PHEEEEEW, intense females!! God forbid I should ever be one like that!

How do these things happen to me??