a shyness that is criminally vulgar

I was seriously considering just being home alone for Christmas, after all what's the big deal? It's just a day, really. But at the same time there's a certain feeling of sadness accompanied with the thought as the day draws nearer and nearer. This past week I have had my first taste of being completely without anyone I feel close to, only surrounded by strangers and strangers I see often. I tried to remedy this by volunteering at a shelter to feed to the homeless. Unsuccesful it was and I was somewhat rudely denied. I wasn't about to be defeated so quickly so I called around some more places but found out that the "goodwill towards all men positions" had been filled, so I lamely gave up. I was thinking I would be fine and prepared to make a weekend of hot cocoa and Gene Kelly movies. But upon further consideration of truly spending Christmas solita, I felt a jolt up my spine that told me such an act would be just the start of my fear of being alone becoming a reality in the long run and that, however superstitious it may sound to others, it would be just a bad omen on this new chapter in my life. It's rather ironic as I really like being alone and hate making random conversation with people who I sometimes feel I am actually forcing myself to hang out with, really just hoping to spark something "real", possibly an excuse to speak with them again, maybe a 3rd time even but have found I have a hard time keeping anything regular going. My combination of shyness, quirky humour and an inability to bullshit my way into sounding intelligent or knowledgable about anything that anyone, other than Angie Luna, finds interesting or funny makes me take to the non-people zones - so I suppose you could say my "hate" is just the bi-product of my self-consciousness and lack of wit. hehe!

Man! I wish I didn't have issues like I do, kinda pisses me off ya know? I want to be content with who I am but it's hard when you feel like you suck most of the time. Accepting yourself sometimes feels like you're compromising just for peace of mind and who wants to compromise?

Well my resolution for this year is to ease up on myself and not take myself quite so serisously.

PS, I didn't end up alone on Christmas. I caught the train to Berkeley, CA to visit some family who I don't know very well and it's been nice. I suppose networking, even if you're just starting with your own family, is one sure way to avoid ending up alone. One person at a time, that's not too scary.

Merry Christmas everyone!!

It begins!

newly renovated cathedral

la la la... I love to skate, but those skates KILLED our feet!!

woooh! go Jason!

Jason, hating me for not leaving him alone

Keenan, enjoying the wine... obviously

El Chef (Mike) killing *carving* the turkey

Pretty Kristina

mmmmmm, what a lovely combination

Happy *out of focus* Thanksgiving

More pics coming soon!

party party party

This weekend was soopa soopa! first we ... then we ... haha, this is great! I feel so eloquent! :)

You'll never walk alone

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of a storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams
Be tossed and blown

Walk on..
Walk on..
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

Remember this song? Haven't heard it in years, but I think it's a beautiful, simple song that is so comforting. I want to dedicate this to a special friend. I know it's not much, but I hope it warms your heart a little.

Super Balls in San Francisco

This falls into the category of 'things you don't see every day.' In order to herald the arrival of the their new Bravia LCD line of televisions, Sony decided to demonstrate their screen color capacity in a unique way. They televised 250,000 multi-colored superballs bouncing down the streets of San Francisco.

This is pretty spectacular and I quite love the song!

HIGH

LOW

Today In History

/sigh... missing you

daaammn, taking the posing a little seriously I'd say! 

red light bulb fun 

Odd shot, taken under the unfluence no less, but I kinda like it 

the rustle of the leaves, the chillness in the air...

You know, there's no point making great claims like "I'm back to stay!" or "I promise to be a faithful blogger!!" cuz it just ain't gonna happen, so y'all are just gonna have to bear with me as I rollercoaster in and outta here.

Oh it's FAAAAAAALL and that means life is happy and cheery. They've set up the outdoor ice-rink downtown which we will be frequenting as soon as we can. Very soon the lights will be up everywhere, I find it amazing how they have a special way of shining even prettier in the crisp cold. I keep hearing about hot cider, what actually is that? It sounds really good and that can only mean we're definitely having some! Oh AND I am totally making PONCHE NAVIDENO, cause that stuff is oh my goodness sooooo frickin' good! Mmmm... just little things to complete the "season to be jolly"... I know, it's usually the season to be stressed and annoyed at the world but you know what?! This year I am actually going to try to enjoy it. But, I am also going to find my enjoyment in the simple things that make this time of year a little bit special. It will be my way of thumbing my nose at the commercialism and silly traditions without all my enjoyment being stolen from me!

Special treat this week.................. photos will be posted in all glory and grandeur, stay tuned.

PS No job yet.

more newness

*Job Interview today - JCrew. Ok yes, it's juuuuust retail but hey you gotta stay afloat! Eeeeek, it's new!! Wondering if I will fit in, but at the same time not caring if I don't - my main concern is that they may want me to wear those clothes... oh help!

*Phone - so you can actually CALL me! w00t! I've been borrowing and just being plain out of touch for so long but glory glory we can start touching again.

*Cold - ok so it's not all that new, but summer is really quite over and I am oh so gonna be enjoying the lovely autumn that is closing in... hmmm... warm cider, mulled wine, pumpkin spice coffee, scarves and mittens, cozing up in a fluffy duvet (something I don't own yet and that fact makes me sad, must save up!!!), soupies of ALL kinds and lots of cuddles.

Went to the city this past weekend as a DJ friend was spinning at a club so we all went to offer support and have ourselves a pretty darn good time. I shall expound later!

Till then........

PRESENTING

just me. I am giving myself a warm welcome (complete with gifts and flowers) for this, my triumphant RE-ENTRY to baring my soul at no one in particular. So, why not picture me lying naked on a bed, with rose pedals strewn over the naughty parts (we can all ponder together what significance that could possibly have to the subject at hand but aaaanyway) Here's to hoping that such fantasies will give you a little bit of an incentive to come again and trust that you just might have something new to read that may make your day or... naaaaw, don't count yourself THAT lucky. Just leave me comments and I promise to think happy thoughts about you.... promise promise!

OK off to the gym for me!

CLICKETY CLICKETY CLICKETY CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

TURN YOUR VOLUME WAY UP AND CLICK HERE!!

needing some love

...or maybe just some ice cream. But my feet are cold and I HATE it when my feet are cold so ice cream wouldn't help much. I have a headache and I am too lazy to rummage for socks, and I kinda want ice cream but it's cold and the heater is about 10 steps away and my socks at least 20, so that's way too much work. I would rather sit here all on my lonesome and suffer... with cold feet and an achey head. I need someone to take care of me when I am sick, I get so helpless and the world falls apart. Yeah, I need some love. Some cuddles. I have hardly eaten a thing for the past few days so that might be why I feel shitty - I just haven't had the time!! Getting food consists of driving somewhere, first figuring out where I want to eat, then spending too much time not being able to make up my mind about what I want to eat and then I'm like "This is taking too long, I have to be and such and such place" And leave emtpy handed. OR I will just anticipate the long drawn out process of being indecisive and not bother stopping anywhere. The supermarket is hell for me, that's way too much to have to choose from!! Yes, poor wittle Em... a tear for you!

peek-a-boo

ok calm down, it's just me! I know you never expected to see me again since I seemed to have vanished into thin air, but I am here to tell you that YES - you do still have a purpose for living and that purpose is to be dedicated to following my life as it twists and turns, meandering down an unknown path. So let's get back on with it shall we? I get bored of my blog from time to time and I leave it alone for a while, but with out fail so much starts to build up inside my little head that it wants to explode! I know it's hard to take other people's shit sometimes, you don't always know what to say, can you really understand what that person is going through? Will what you say even help? Sometimes you just have to be a listening ear maybe. That's why I have a special place in my heart for my bloggy blog. It doesn't talk back so I feel comfortable loading the crap on good and thick from time to time without fear of giving it more than it can handle. Thanks to everyone who has had to take my unloading when it came pouring forth uncontrollably, sometimes there are no answers to the many many questions, but you'd still gracefully listen even when you had no clue what I was going on about.

But not today! I mean, it's building up there but I'm too crazy busy lately. I'm actually back in Denver for 2 weeks and have been without a computer up until yesterday! Ahhh, it feels good to be connected to the world again! And wireless, but of course And who says people in suburbia don't know their neighbours?!?!?!

"Ohhhh you must be unsecured wireless network ACTIONTEC! Your network lags pretty bad BTW. Oh, we're NETGEAR, from across the street!" ;)

Well I have only 3 days left before I head back out to Sacramento, there are a few of my favourite people there who I can't wait to see again. Time has crawled by and I feel like I have been here at least a month. I suppose that happens when you have some...thing (one) to look forward to seeing and when not even 24 hours went by before you started missing it. Time is cruel that way. NOW HURRY IT UP ALREADY OR I'M GONNA START WALKING!!!!

I have a good action packed drama of what's happened since I have been here to tell when I get some time. It's been fun, boring as hell, mad busy, lonely, pushing away unwanted company, sad, happy, drunk and sober. And every oxymoron you could possibly imagine. Ok I am off to make some money so that I don't continue to be the drag on society that I am... bleh... I wanna be rich so I can pay back everyone for everything they have ever done for me, I don't deserve any of it but I am so super thankful. It would be awesome if a smiles and hugs had monetary value, cuz I have bazillions of those to give.

I miss you.

just blowing in the wind

fly
a
kite...

Why not? I highly recommend you go out right now and buy a kite! A cheap kite, not even a fancy one that does tricks, just a basic kite and fly it! Dunno why, but as simplistic as it may sound apart from it being very relaxing it is also a total blast! That is what we did aaaall Saturday afternoon. The cool breeze blowing, being with people I care about while enjoying a piece of plastic way up in the sky (we had about 650 feet of string so it was a ways up there) - it was great! Imagination is the highest kite that one can fly and a gift that I don't really have, BUT lucky for me I'm with the Mastermind of Activity who has always got something for us to do... even if it is a simple thing like kite flying -we're amused and happy.

Rainy Day anti Boredom Insurance

Here's an amusing activity for when you have waaaay too much time on your hands. Copy and paste this in the comments section and answer all the questions about me you can! Have fun! w00t!

PS. THIS is my lame blog filler, to make it seem like I'm an "active blogger" or some such fiddle faddle.

Your name:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name

How long have you known me:

Do I smoke:

Do I drink:

Do I curse:

Do I believe in God:

Have you had sex with me:
If yes, how was it?
If no, why not... are you free later?

What was your first impression upon meeting me:

Color of my eyes:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Am I funny:

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing or what:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

Do I have any special talents:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

What's your favorite memory of me:

What is my worst habit:

Most Favorite thing about me:

Worst thing about me:

If I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring:

Love Parade 2005

Striking a pose

the familiar 3

squirrel man

dance, dance, dance

little show-er off-er :P

cool reflection in his glasses

Just a passing buttocks.

The LOVE BUS!!

catching some odd angles

bunny love

BOOBIES FOR ALL!!

handy link

For fear of something nasty jumping out of there, they kept their distance!

Stilt Man.

Chillin' after a long day

Altea in her Indian oufit

weeeeee

The Drive Home