Sasquatch 2010

I'll be here for the next few days. I ALMOST didn't go. Glad I didn't give into my Pisces moodiness and sell my ticket. (Although I would have been able to sell them for 3x what I bought them for... hmmm )

I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed this.

Feeling Perplexed

Feeling overwhelmed.

It's just another day.

Ugghh but all the things that break us, are the things that will make us strong. Must. Learn. To. Love. Them.

(via mareodomo )

Purpose is the Place Where Your Deep Gladness Meets the World’s Needs

The book: “North Node Astrology” starts out with the quote:

“Purpose is the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s needs.” Frederick Buechner spoke those words years ago, which I now juxtapose with a quote by author, Andrew Harvey: “Be thankful that you live in a time so terrible, it will lead you to your authentic Self.”

The holding of this kind of terrible opposition is the “tension of opposites” that Carl Jung spoke about when he spoke of God, or the “transcendent function.” He once said that God is beyond ideas of good and evil, and is more than the “coincidentia oppositorum”—he felt that it was in the holding of such oppositions as great despair and great hope that we create the spaciousness for the alchemy of our transformation. In the holding of the opposites, we make room for God or the transcendent function in the Soul, the psyche.

It is here in the holding of such opposites, such as where your heart breaks and where your heart finds joy—here is where “the numinous third” can arise – the midpoint between the two opposing positions. Jung tended to counsel “waiting” and a patient holding of the opposites in the crucible of our psyche. When we hold our love and pain together, what can arise is a gift of grace: the point which is the center of the mandala. This is what Jung saw as the third unseen possibility/option which is unfelt at first. Like a gift of grace, it arises of its own accord.

And yet does this create a“passivity” within us? I suspect it could, except in these days when our culture leans towards acting out. Perhaps the “third” that arises is a summons towards compassionate action. We hear that expressed in the Sufi poet, Rumi—as Andrew Harvey expresses it so well: “Rumi is a lion of passion trying to teach a humanity of depressed sheep how to roar… to roar with divine love.” Rumi would have us crawl out from under the dirty blanket of denial to ignite the passion—a passion that has the intensity to birth something truly new.

So isn’t Rumi really asking us to rise to another level of intensity—of radical commitment to ourselves and to our values? Reading his poetry he begs and cajoles us to act on our beliefs and loves—but eventually the only respite that came to him from his painful yearning for his beloved, was to become the Beloved. He held the tension of the opposites within himself, until like Jung believed, the opposites yielded a third: he eventually found within himself the union of opposites.

(via Elizabeth Spring)

“Be thankful that you live in a time so terrible, it will lead you to your authentic Self.”

A Challenge to Myself

Channel your misery into something productive...

Nature Has a Way

of making things feel... okay. Even an angry, raging volcano. It has the potential for so much death and destruction, yet somehow it casts a shadow of peace and calm on a troubled soul.  Eyjafjallajökul.

Iceland, Eyjafjallajökull - May 1st and 2nd, 2010 from Sean Stiegemeier on Vimeo.

Music: Jónsi - Kolniður

?

                 Faith?

          Faith? 

             Faith?

      Faith?

Faith?


What are you, anyhow? You're weird and dumb. I don't understand what you're good for. 

Saturn

Gotta remember you're going to be bugging/kicking my ass for the rest of the year. With my realization that I know nothing about anything, I can't say I have faith in anything, including astrology. The only consolation I get from it is that at least it helps me rationalize insanity, when it's hitting. If I have blame the stars, well so be it. I need some reprieve or I'll lose my mind, give me a break!

This is definitely relevant:

- Saturn Conjunct Saturn -

Consciously or unconsciously, you are pruning your life of everything that is not relevant to what you really are as a human being. If this process is not happening consciously, you may experience a sense of loss for the elements of your life that are coming to an end now. However, do not dwell upon these losses, for they are necessary in order to clear the decks for the major period of action in your life. 

This is a time of endings and new beginnings. If you have built your life up to now around activities that are inappropriate for you, it will be a period of crisis. 

Endings. Crisis. That's me in a nutshell.  

Dear Lord

I might actually have to say a prayer tonight.

God, or whoever, please ensure this guy ends up liking my sister. Once and for all. I NEED SOME PEACE!

So... Tired... Of... Everything

What am I doing?

Day in. Day out.

Maybe I manage my time poorly, but it feels there are not enough hours in the day to do more than perform my minimum responsibilities...  work, study, stay alive. Some days are good and I am okay with this. Some days I tell myself that I am doing something of value that I will one day admire as an accomplishment. Then there are days, particularly when the energy of others saps me dry, I am suddenly overwhelmed with the need to change something, to do more, to go somewhere, to  do something else, anything. I feel inadequate and behind. I'm almost fucking 30 years old, yet I feel like a child with such simple understanding of the world around me. When do you ever feel like an adult? When do you feel like you might actually know something?  I am not a woman, I'm a girl.

Loathing who I am and how insignificant anything I do really is. I hate that I don't offer much at all to the world. Just a lost soul that can't find peace in herself and not much use to anyone else because of it. Maybe I want to be needed? Doesn't everyone? What if no one really needs you? Maybe that should grant me the freedom to go forth and be amazing. I could do anything right now. I still haven't learned to navigate this world, how to make magic happen. But man, I want to! I feel exceptionally good at nothing and just pretty good/okay at some things. How I am doing well in school is baffling. I am like this "pseudo intellectual" of sorts, I can fake it and convince dumb people I am smart[ish]. A lot of people are convinced I am smart, so perhaps I am able to play the roll well, but I know it's a lie.  Half the time I am lost and wandering in the dark, unsure of what I think, believe or even feel and the other half I am overcompensating a positive attitude as a means to fake that I might know a little bit about something.

I DON'T.

Read more. Speak less. Hide often. No one deserves to have to subject themselves to me. Except maybe for hugs. Silent hugs.

99 - Magnifying Glass... VIII

(via salihagir.deviantart)

The Place You Left

It's not like

you weren't warned

about starting

on The Path, dear one.

Now, of course,

it's far too late,

no going back,

you can never return.

The person you were,

the place you left,

no longer exist. 

The Disease to Please

I still need a lot of help with this:

Collapsed Boundaries
Personal boundaries can become weak or even nonexistent. The proverbial “doormat” has collapsed boundaries -- and may be a victim of psychological bullying. If you have collapsed boundaries, you may:

• Say yes to all requests because you fear rejection and abandonment.
• Tolerate abuse or disrespectful treatment.
• Feel you deserve to be treated poorly.
• Avoid conflict.
• Have no sense of who you are or what you feel, need, want and think.
• Not see flaws or weaknesses in others.
• Focus on pleasing those around you.
• Take on the feelings of others.

Healthy Boundaries
Healthy personal boundaries are evident and effective when you know who you are, and you treat yourself and others with respect. If you have healthy boundaries, you may:

• Feel free to say yes or no without guilt, anger or fear.
• Refuse to tolerate abuse or disrespect.
• Know when a problem is yours or another person’s – and refuse to take on others’ problems.
• Have a strong sense of identity.
• Respect yourself.
• Share responsibility with others, and expect reciprocity in relationships.
• Feel freedom, security, peace, joy and confidence.

People pleasers need to work on setting healthy boundaries -- it's the only way to overcome the "disease to please"!

How Do You Set Healthy Boundaries?

Setting healthy boundaries involves taking care of yourself and knowing what you like, need, want, and don’t want. The best time to set personal boundaries is before they’re being encroached upon.

Two steps for people pleasers:

1. Be honest with yourself with your true feelings and opinions.
2. Share your feelings and opinions with others.

(via Behavioural Psychology)

Uggghhhh

Looking forward to not interacting with human beings for a good 24 hours!

Ouch...

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

This is TOO Adorable.

(via sunshine madness)

Roads Divide. Roads Converge.

It's funny, the thought doesn't depress me quite as much these days and in a weird way actually excites me. In becoming a stranger I potentially have the opportunity to get to know you again one day. Maybe it could be like starting from scratch, all the bullshit aside. People will always wander in and out of life. For a moment in time they are tangible and real, but as quickly as they come in - they are gone. They disappear into the past, into a dream world that you can never be fully sure happened just the way you remember. The past often feels like a dream. Did you happen? You've gone, disappeared, did you ever exist? My connection with you is only a series of thoughts and memories, strung together like a pearl necklace. Did I dream you once upon a time?

Our worlds collide, but only for a moment in time... a moment later you are nothing, but a stranger. You're struggling, like I do, day by day. You're fighting, just like I am, to make it through this life. But not in the same world, not in the same reality. How does it happen? We are living ghosts in a bizarre twist of fate.

 How ever much distance is now between us, the connection can never be fully severed... not for me anyway. Anyone I have known, that has made an impression on me, will forever be a part of me in some way. In a different world, perhaps as a stranger, yet we'll never forget where we hide the spare keys to each other's hearts.

"What do we leave behind when we cross each frontier? Each moment seems split in two; melancholy for what was left behind and the excitement of entering a new land." - The Motorcycle Diaries

Nothing has much meaning, but maybe I just like to make meaning out of nothing. That's how I get by. Tell me, is it possible to feel nostalgia for a world I've never known?

Incredible Music

Janelle Monae's new album is crazy-freaking-amazing. It's all kinds of awesome, on so many levels. It is music that can only be fully appreciated in the completeness of an entire album: adventurous, full-bodied, rich in character, complex. Yes, much like a vintage Bordeaux. "When she genre hops it sounds natural and effortless out of genuine enthusiasm and not just a dilettante looking to feather her cap."

Truth

The wise men say, you'll find your way. They say things fall apart so that other things can fall together. Grasping at straws, grasping for hope. My life is not that bad, why does it feel so hard to make it through the day sometimes?

Maxence Cyrin - Where Is My Mind (The Pixies Piano Cover)

Sometimes I truly do not know!

Disappointment.

Not okay.

Just sucks that some things are out of your control. I guess, pretty much everything is.

I'm just disappointed. Time to...

Dear Uncertainty,

Thanks a lot for also essentially being possibility. I'm a lot more into you when I think of you that way.

♥


(via somewhere on the interwebs)

via garfieldminusgarfield

We're all just...

Entropy.
n., pl., -pies.


The degradation of matter and energy in the universe to an ultimate state of inert uniformity.


Why do we care about anything at all? Why do we love? Why do we miss? Why do we need? It gets tiring. All these feelings and emotions swirling around, alive and very much felt. Where can I put them so they don't overwhelm me?

Something from Nothing is a Quantum Possibility

I believe

I am not sure what I believe in exactly, but I know I believe in... something.

I believe in possibilities.

I believe in the patterns of existence, but also that we have an extraordinary ability to paint these patterns in any fashion, as we see fit. We're not bound by anything other than our own choosing to be confined to the reality we create. I believe this. You have to be patient and not rush art. We are living artistic masterpieces of our own making. The artist and the canvas, the sculptor and the sculpture. Creating and being created simultaneously. You can't fully control or force the outcome of life, so why not relax a little? Relaxing into what IS allows for endless possibilities to form in our consciousness.

This has become a personal realization for me. I am one who by nature wants to know everything, wants every answer instantly and what I want, when I want it. Patience has never been my virtue. I see now that my need to control was what I thought to be a useful coping mechanism. In all actuality this is the thing that has held me back most in life, kept me locked in fear, restrained my vision and full on stressed me the fuck out. Who needs that? Everyone talks about wanting time to slow down, yet it seems we do nothing to curb it's incessant ticking on. There's nothing to be done to make it slow down, but in holding on so tight out of fear we inadvertently push the hands faster and faster around the clock.

Yet. What do I know? To others I am an idealistic, immature, naive little girl. Meh. To you I speak in platitudes and your suffering somehow more valuable than anything I have to offer. I just say, create YOUR masterpiece and experience everything. Suffer if you must, but also live. Laugh, love, hate, smile, cry, hurt, feel, create, fantasize, realize, dream, heaven and hell. Everything is part of everything else, might as well accept it all. Make the movie of your life an epic, unexpected adventure.

Whatever, do what you want. I am not going to quit daydreaming and attempting to live them.

"Many will call me an adventurer - and that I am, only one of a different sort: one of those who risks his skin to prove his platitudes" - Che Guevara

She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts. ~George Eliot

At least that is what I have to tell myself every day.

Must.

Keep.

Hope.

Alive.