so

my blog has been styoooooopid lately, so I'm gonna try bring it back around to reflect something that I actually like.... how about some pictures?

back to front, it's like an artsy like photo.
some sexy biotches
yeah ok fine, that was a pose.
Ahoy! It's me arse!

instantly I am nothing

sometimes an instant passes and your eyes are opened
sometimes in an instant you realise everythings' changed
in an instant what was is no longer, no more
sometimes it's that instant you hope goes away
but it's here, right now, right here - you can't escape

must you remind me again of what I don't have?
must you so quickly intrude only to leave me alone?
if you have such effect can't you answer my question?
I can't handle not knowing, not understanding completely
you cracked open a door, when I wanted my darkness
now that I see it, I'm not sure I can keep away
you fascinate me with your warmth and your light
but the cold, in the cold it's much safer, less risky

oh why must I think? it hurts me, such pain
can't I be content with nothing and less?
why must you remind me? the damage is done
and then... it came, it stayed, it passed, life goes on
but it haunts my heart, my soul night and day

New hair! Weeeeee

Going to a pink party with ma sexy hair.


We so smokin'!

tonight...

I miss you

Necessito un amigo invisible

To me, the best thing about working a lot is that you don't feel guilty for taking down time. Like today, I did.... nada and I feel good about it. I worked 6 days this week so I felt I deserved to not do anything that required any other movement than the type-typeddy of my fingers and a shower. I feel good today, just tired. I am used to getting more than enough sleep so it's a bit of a change for to have to just get enough. It's funny, sometimes my thoughts are clearer when my body is tired. It's like, I don't have the energy to race through thoughts at a billion miles an hour so I'll just choose one or something and think about it. So today I pondered a little, but not too much as I tend to flip-out when I do. Gotta learn to stay in the safe zone.

Oh! Happy news for me! Finger's crossed I shall be visiting Mexico in the summer or fall!! Two of my beloveds are hopefully moving to Cuernavaca soon which is just perfect as it's not as expensive to fly to Mexico City as it is to MTY and I would loooove to see them. I'd love to see others too so if you can make it to el DF sometime around that time that would be too awesome! Like these guys who too are a little bit awesome.

Tonight I create SCHNITZEL... possibly with noodles, possibly without, but that's not important. What's important is my need for brown paper packages tied up with string with a few of my favourite things inside. And no Mig, no taunting me with your sex guide books!! :D

.....extravadia.....

It's been hard finding my bearings or gaining real traction. I feel like, so here I am, out here. I go about my day to do the things that I must do to get... somewhere. I don't know where that is. I don't know and it's freaking me out that I don't know. It's not even self discipline I am worried about, I just don't know what I care about and I know I am not going put my heart and soul into doing something if I don't care about it. I want to do something I believe in otherwise I really won't give enough of a shit to go for it. There's no way I am going to become someone who is just satisfied working some stupid job for some stupid company that sells... paper clips or a "post-it" sales rep. Maybe having paper clips and post-it's is convenient in someone's life, but hell if I care! Ok I know I am being a bit extreme, but the thought of living a STUPID routine for the rest of my life - no matter what it is - is enough to make my head spin. This isn't about money either. Looking for a job that pays me a 6 figure salary. I was thinking today actually - so I go to work all week to make money to live and do things to keep me entertained. I am not a big spender and easily live without feeling the need to constantly buy and collect crap. Materially, there just isn't a lot that I REALLY can't live without - it just doesn't interest me. Now and then I see things I like and If I need something I may buy it, but once I have a good little collection of the necessities I'm good. So what's the big deal with having money anyway? I want to go places and experience things, perhaps that's all I really need it for, but what about my LIFE?

Man, I'm like a silly disillusioned little teenager.




Ok nevermind, maybe I just figured it out! I am single with nobody I love relying on me to support them. Maybe the day I have kids [HA!] of my own I would just need to buckle down and do it? Meh! :( I feel like I am supposed to be more dynamic than that.

I am gonna go soak myself in the tub and hope for an epiphany.

PS. I haven't forgotten the pics.

PPS. I like this template!!!