closed

Maybe she's different from the others.

How different?

I don't know.

For the Broken Hearted

And we will find that wherever we step, the path appears beneath our feet

Which way? :(

Coming home

Any day now...

Coming home.

Take Care

Where is the light at the end of the tunnel? I've been walking for miles and the only light I find comes from cracks in the walls. I run towards it thinking it's finally here, but the source of light is just... a tiny crack.

In a time warp. I can't see ahead. I try so hard to keep my eyes on the present moment, to stop fearing what does (or doesn't lie ahead), but sometimes I become so consumed. So overwhelmed with emotion so heavy all I can do is cry and cry and cry. Trapped in despair, living moments of peacefulness. Up, smashed down, weakly rising to stand yet again. The weight is so heavy I can barely carry it.

Weak and rejected. Worn out and crestfallen. There is nothing to do but to feel this, feel this struggle with every fiber of my being. You won't win and you can't defeat me. Even if all I do is run for cracks in the wall, I will run. What else can I do? I can't give up, because I don't know my enemy's face. To whom will I surrender? The raging thoughts in my head that push me down, down, down to the depths of despair? A coward with no face.

I am. I am! So hopeless, but I still have... this. What? I have nothing. But something is still there. What is it? It is just what it is; it is life, it is breath. I can feel it... this pounding against my heart ...THIS is me. Undefined and unexplainable. It is life and life will live on. It has no choice.

Softly she whispers, "keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going" "as the road divides you must walk, you must walk, you must walk, you must..

...let go"

Run

And so it is

You're fading from me. The light is fading, the candle nearly burned. Oh, it's just flickering against the thick black night. Soon the darkness will be here and the long cold winter. I only pray that I'll truly say "let it be", but it's so hard to just. let. go. The remembering is difficult, but the forgetting is worse.

They say heartbreak is painful, have you felt that? The pain in your chest, at the thought of times passed or of memories lost, the tightened grip squeezing your heart threatening to cease the beating life force. Don't wish for it, but like it or not, it will find you. No experience has been more difficult, not broken me more, nor brought me to my knees in full surrender of my hopes and dreams than this....

It is. It is really over and will never be again.

Never. Be. Again.
Never. Be. Again.
Never. Be. Again.

Those words drive a thousand knives into my heart...

But here I am. The world is still turning. Somehow, life goes on and by no effort of my own it just goes. It's just not the same as it was; a new puzzle of an even newer nature, but this time the pieces have at least quadrupled and I haven't found the corner pieces yet. If I could understand you better, life, we'd probably be great friends - maybe I just need to get to know you. You're kind of an asshole tho, so hopefully you have a good explanation one of these days. For your sake.

So, I'll walk through the streets and smile at the lone passersby. No words, just a smile. That's all I have for you world. I don't have a lot left to say, but I think you'll appreciate this. I've said too much already. I've put you down, criticized you harshly, insulted, flattered and despised you. Yes, the time has come to hold my peace, yet I will leave my peace to the Universe to absorb; my tears, my breath, my innermost fears, my love and the unspoken stillness in my heart. The spoken word pales next to the emotional expression of a melody or the light shining from your eyes. Why compete with perfection?

Smiles and music.

Yep, sounds about right.




...just really wish you were here... sigh

no way out but up, I guess

A good reminder

Resentment builds and is a vicious cycle - "I'm not getting what I want/need, so I refuse to give you anything you want/need" Communication is broken, people either don't discuss the tough issues or they don't listen each other. Fights and arguments just make people shutdown and react in an automatic way.

A relationship is an entity - a living, breathing thing. You can't just create one and let it exist, believing it will survive and thrive on it's own. You have to be actively involved in making it work, just being present isn't enough.

Better Times

I feel you - pain in my heart, vice like grip in my chest. Won't you leave? No, stay a while so that I can memorize how much this hurts, how it hurts, why it hurts, where it hurts I can't keep the tears inside, they force their way through like a wild, unruly river. They say it's good to cry and I want to believe them, but the pain gripping my chest? Is this pain just you taking back the pieces of your heart one by one? I can feel each piece as it's removed. Why must you? Please, leave them there... don't go, don't change, don't fade away into nothing! Nothing lasts forever, but I never expected 'nothing' to ever end. OH ENDINGS! I can hardly stand you!

I'll collect these tears to one day make a sparkling necklace of salt crystals.

A nagging feeling

...that I can't let go of.

I am not where I am supposed to be.