I was really hoping to not lose any months on my blog so as to appear as a competent blogger. But alas, I failed and with no good reason. I seem to go through periods of needing a time social withdraw and the need to hide away from the world at large. It's not that I forget about people or don't care, I think I just am easily overwhelmed with life that my coping is retreating. I think this has been covered before, but I must emphasize that inspite of my traits, you're never forgotten in my thoughts and heart.
Thank God 2006 is over!! Honestly, it was probably one of the most challenging years of my life, yet on the flip-side more rewarding than most. I guess it really is true that the more we suffer the more we learn who we are and what we're made of, all the happy times are great and all - but how MUCH do we learn? I am always worried when things are going too well and easy. It makes me think that I am on the verge of compromising and settling for less than I am capable of giving and being. Somewhere down the line I will look back with regret and never know for sure what could have been. I've definitely grown up a lot and gotten rid of many childish fantasies and fears that I was never forced to give up till now and it's like a weight off my shoulders. I have always felt useless and incapable in so many ways because I was always able to hide behind someone or something and evade dealing with it. But when you throw yourself out into the unknown and have no other person in the world to fully lean on, you have to survive. You look down and see your safety net plummet beneath you and suddenly your risk of failing is so much more percarious and threatening, but it causes you to think smarter and shrewdly. You have to survive! I'll gladly throw away my safety nets and hope I can continue to make decisions that bring me into new and wonderful places in my life that I have yet to see and experience. I love the adventures that keep popping up!
6 comments:
Happy New Year... and hurray! I missed your blog (and you!!) ....
xoxoxox
I need to call you. Happy New Year little one!
What were the fantasies that you were forced to give up?
I know exactly what u mean about...
withdrawing
giving up safety nets
growing up
..well ok basically ur entire post .
I have mega expectations outta 07, seein more of u is one of'em ;-)
Oh my goodness! People still check this ol' thang!! So sweet. I'ma really try to be a better long distant friend... ask Luchi, my friend making endeavours are weak and most people I meet can't compare to you all. xxxx
Marcus! What's up?! NEVER hear from you anymore. We're on for Coachella right?
Thanks for calling Mig. You never asked me "The Favour" tho.
Luch, I had fantasies about love and relationships, about secretly hoping I might never have to really start growing up - yet in letting go loving the freedom it carries, about not wanting to realize that we only have ourselves to rely on at the end of the day - yet in realizing this feeling the confidence that it's really ok, about thinking quantity over quality was what I wanted in my social life - yet in distancing myself from those lacking quality I could appreciate that less is more. I could go on.... :)
And my very own Grecian Goddess... I dunno about you, but 2007 is ALREADY looking way way up for me - I'm gonna take that as a sign. ;) xoxox
Emma Emma Emma.. You feel so far away. I feel like we never talk anymore. I hope your '07 is going as wonderfully as you anticipated it will.
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