7:58am

Why does this happen? I stayed up till almost 4am watching Mad Men last night on the express condition of being able to sleep in today, my day off. And here I am wide awake, but tired as hell. My brother says I am just sensitive to light and need thicker curtains... or curtains at all. He could be right, but I have noticed a general decline in my ability to sleep really well in the last few years. There is always something in the back of my subconscience, surreptitiously tugging me awake. Assignments, work, life. I spend too much time thinking about the weightier issues in life.

I'm not quite sure if this is because I necessarily want to or if I carry a sense of guilt that I am not using my time productively. Part of me feels unfulfilled or dissatisfied by frivolous thoughts and conversations. There's a sense of urgency in knowing that life is short and a requirement to make the most of every moment. Even at ungodly hours in the morning, on a day I could be sleeping all day if I so desired, I am jolted awake as if sleep and rest were mere luxuries my wicked self could not afford.

What is so urgent? Nothing really. I know I will spend the better part of the morning frittering my time away.