Oh Mon Dieu!

my birthday is just around the corner!!

oh well, what can I say except that I've kept a youthful spirit in spite...

Beauty Abounds

So, I have a new URL for my blog, which will hopefully deter a few less than desirable readers from following my life too closely. I’d rather not start a brand new blog, it hasn’t quite come to that. 3 years worth of rambling nonsense… who could throw that away so easily?? ☺ This is merely a “discourager”, however feeble and nonfunctional. lol.

Enough on that, I choose positivism as my state of mind of choice. Hmmm, some interesting definitions there.

pos·i·tiv·ism n
1. the theory that knowledge can be acquired only through direct observation and experimentation rather than through metaphysics and theology
2. the state or quality of being positive

Give us yer dos centavos on that one.

Maui, Maui, what can I say? Where do I start? I really feel lucky to have been able to experience such an Island paradise, best of all leaving Sac with lower expectations and upon arriving being blown away by the simple beauty of so much untouched nature.
Now, I like to think I can be happy anywhere I happen to be. I try to look for the best in life, like rainy days in this small boring town – the air is fresh, the greenery is greener, my feet get wet and cold but I know that later on someone’s going to warm em up and snuggle with me till I’d wish for the coldest feet everyday forever just so my days would end like that always. That’s what I tell myself as reality of it is that I have to look for these things otherwise it would just be plain depressing and suck… in Maui it was different. I really felt my spirit alive everyday and just breathing made me smile for no reason, like no other time I can remember. This made me start to wonder if maybe our souls are individually tailored to attain the potential we were created for by taking into consideration our physical environments. Not to say we can’t live and be happy in absolutely anywhere…but maybe we have each have a special place… I know mine’s where everything is irie and carefree… oh and where I can wear coconut bras. ;) One day, one day. Wanna come with me??

The dichotomy that stood out as most apparent there is that it’s like a 3rd world country but it’s not. You have all the goods and services of the 1st world but the mindset is different, warm-hearted and less complicated. Of course the pace is slower, which means things don’t run quite as efficiently… our bags didn’t make it to the airport along with 20 or so others. It was slightly stressful at first since we are used to getting what we want instantly or at least being able to talk to someone who can give you a direct answer about what the hell is going on and will we ever see our bags again, but no… nobody could really say anything except that they would find them and drop them off at our hotel later. So ok, we had to go with that and just walk away with our fingers crossed. I was resigning myself to not ever see them again and spend our trip in a bikini I would have to buy. Hey I pretty much did that anyway, but low and behold the next morning we call downstairs and they have our bags! All in all I just think that getting stressed out and worked up over things is a waste of life. There are 4 things we need in life: rocking chairs, wind chimes, sex and mojitos. What else do YOU need?? :)

Snorkeling, boogie boarding, make-outs, sunsets, sunrises, Tanqueray Martinis, delectable fish, volcanic craters, Hana,

Serenity...

Hi

I'm back!



<3

Less than 48 hours...

LMAO I had to post this...

I have decided that I would like some sex. Who's up for it?

Heres the thing: I work, like a lot.
Its also been a week or so since Ive had me The Sex.
Relationships are for people who know what day of the week it is and I just dont have time for that shit right now, what with the magazine and all.


Im mildly sexy (further sexifying can be achieved by you squinting, wearing earplugs or both) and have a fantastic ass.

You should be a hot lady (read: woman born female) with a minimum of 2 (two) boobs and $20 filing fee (waived upon acceptance into program.)

You should also have a very flexible schedule and a vagina with an internal dialation radius not to exceed 2.75 centimeters. Charming personality and sense of humour is a plus, but I have access to hard liquor if such is not the case.

I would also like a box of candy and a DVD of the motion picture From Justin To Kelly

Could this be you? Possibly.

Could this be love? Very, very unlikely.

Line forms to the left ladies. Woot!

-- Bulletin by Jason Malmberg

Sunday night at The Park

It's a FEAST! A PICTURE feast!!

The littlest smunchkin! Little Téa-Téa

Bros before hoes!

matching eyes!

Photoshoot with unwilling toddler Part 1 - I'm really not into this.

Part 2 - Unhand meeee crazy aunty!!

Part 3 - Pleeeeeeease Altea!

"I'm short!"

daladies daladies

Birthday boy get's a big smooch!

Awwwwwwwwwww... hey aren't we kinda cute??

Teresa la loca con Emma-bo-peep

Heyyyy there handsome

crazy boys!

superbowl at the Beach Hut - sleeeeeeepy

Nothing in my way

I've been stressed out lately over life... huh what's new? hehe. No it's been more of a crisis of so much to do, so hard to know what to start with and my feelings of inadequecy in regards to starting and completing something new. I always psyche myself out before I even start and the thought of taking that first step makes me quiver in fright. Amusingly, I have NOT yet learned that EVERY single time this has happened [and you know it has... frequently] not only did I prove to myself that it could be done but it was actually pretty easy! I have a couple things stewing for me... correction: a couple things that I plan to have stewing... ahem. I feel like a year is a good milestone time to look back at what you've done and how you've grown/learned and to look forward to where you could be if you just kept on the path you've been on. Well, I really feel like I need to up the ante and give myself some NEW challenge. That's right boys and girls, time for some drastic changes!!! Oh you know I love them!! lol. Ok, well I am actually going to be a little drastic in a way that goes against my personailty and that is to not pack up and leave JUST YET but to instead invest in the time I am here in going to school! I'm really excited about the prospect of being in an environment that challenges me (having a job does the oposite), being around people who ENJOY discussing the deeper issues of life and I also want to improve my Spanish most importantly. I realize that I AM in America and the educational system is notorious for churning out retards...but man, there've got to be a few out there who are like me in some way!!! :) So yeah, this is all kinda major for me considering I have not looked at a school book in over 10 years - even if I don't learn anything new I think I will be happy to relearn everything I've since forgotten. hehe.

AND I am pretty sick of the service industry, it's sooooooooooooo.... pointless?? I don't see the need to make a career out of serving food to people... it's ok for now but it's not for me. I'm like, go cook your own food if your gonna demand I refill your glass of water so rudely. Oh my gosh! Funny thing that I've noticed. SO the place I work: The Old Spaghetti Factory (Family-style restaurant) serves probably some of worst food nutrionally ever served other than a TV dinner (think Gourmet Italian Pasta... but the oposite) It's affordable and not horrible to the taste buds, but really - eat there often and your arteries will start clogging. So we get these FAAAAT guests who of course LOVE our HEARTY (think "super size") value meals. So what do they do? They order EXTRA cheese, EXTRA butter, a loaf of bread or 2 each AND THEN........... this is the part that I look at them with a very sympathetic look in my eye.... and then they order no not a regular coke, but a DIET coke!!! It's like never mind that they are eating enough food to feed a small country for a day, they really think that drinking this horrendously espartame filled drink is going to *somehow* help them not gain quite as much weight from this marathon meal they frequently eat. :rolls eyes:

Ok I have not been taking pics much lately but here's one of me and the boy... I was going for the "I'm pissed that you are trying ot take my picture look" but I think I cam eout looking rather wasted... he looks kinda yummy tho :)

I'll take some better ones this weekend since I've got some time on my hands! Promise! Ok time to go and claim the rest of this day with soem good accomplishments.

somuchloveandhugs

missyoubye

Yahooooooooooo

Aloha!

Well I think I can announce this years coming highlights. I need to keep reminding myself that there are indeed highlights... you know keep that carrot up high in front of me, not too high now tho... as long as I can make out an orange carrot shaped figure in the distance by squinting I think I will remain happy and challenge. heheh.

I AM GOING TO MAUI FOR 8 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never been to Hawaii and definitely didn't think it would be something in the books any time soon. But it is in the books, as there is a ticket with my full name on it dated for Feb 10th departure and Feb 18th return... evidently destined for Hawaii - maybe it's a scam or worse yet a kidnapping in the guise of a holiday I have not taken since I was nine years old! Well I'ma take da risk. ;) Naw actually it seems I am... very likely... seeing someone? ("oh hey you over there, I seeee yooooou") I suppose that is what is happening. Ok! You got me! The secrets out! *blush* No, it wasn't a secret as much as it was a contemplation of the situation for a bit there, I needed to know before all you nosey guys knew!! :P And so, I guess things have changed for me cuz I sorta really like him...sorta kinda very lots and much. Ladies and gents, give me some high-fives cuz I am now getting amazing sex whenever the fudge I want it! :P (oh and my point being I am going with said boy to said island - cuz that's called romantical)

OK! Announcement over. Let's move along. March takes me to the land of Houston for a week to visit the fam, April of course hosts the infamous Coachella for 3 whole days this year, at some point very soon a Mexico trip will be happening and then lots of little things inbetween. I will keep y'allz posted and hope to finally regain my photo taking glory days.

love love love you. miss you even more.

xoxoxox

PS PostOffice trip is underway... TODAY!!!!! Stay tuned.
PPS Errrrr....The box got too big, I need a ride. THIS WEEK!! Promise!!

baby it's c-c-cold outside

The puddles on the sidewalk were little ice ponds this morning. brrrr! It hasn't yet been this cold, but I really like it - for a little while anyway. It's not conducive to much else than staying home and being cozy with some hot cocoa and a movie... or just someone... :) But that's ok. I need to save myself and money for all there is to be done this year, so finding pleasurable FREE activities is best anyway. My only permissable indulgence lately is coffee at the little midtown cafes - where I sit for a few hours with my lappy and let my worries subside for a while. I dunno, it's just comforting and relaxing and takes me to a happy place. :)

sigh... ok fine!! I have to tell you this. I'm really happy about something else.... it's just this thing... yeah... a thing... and I'm kinda happy and falling over my feet. *GRIN*


ahaha I am so silly.

BYE!

<3

Ps hair=reddish now. hurray!

New Year, New Hopes, New Dreams, New Life

I was really hoping to not lose any months on my blog so as to appear as a competent blogger. But alas, I failed and with no good reason. I seem to go through periods of needing a time social withdraw and the need to hide away from the world at large. It's not that I forget about people or don't care, I think I just am easily overwhelmed with life that my coping is retreating. I think this has been covered before, but I must emphasize that inspite of my traits, you're never forgotten in my thoughts and heart.

Thank God 2006 is over!! Honestly, it was probably one of the most challenging years of my life, yet on the flip-side more rewarding than most. I guess it really is true that the more we suffer the more we learn who we are and what we're made of, all the happy times are great and all - but how MUCH do we learn? I am always worried when things are going too well and easy. It makes me think that I am on the verge of compromising and settling for less than I am capable of giving and being. Somewhere down the line I will look back with regret and never know for sure what could have been. I've definitely grown up a lot and gotten rid of many childish fantasies and fears that I was never forced to give up till now and it's like a weight off my shoulders. I have always felt useless and incapable in so many ways because I was always able to hide behind someone or something and evade dealing with it. But when you throw yourself out into the unknown and have no other person in the world to fully lean on, you have to survive. You look down and see your safety net plummet beneath you and suddenly your risk of failing is so much more percarious and threatening, but it causes you to think smarter and shrewdly. You have to survive! I'll gladly throw away my safety nets and hope I can continue to make decisions that bring me into new and wonderful places in my life that I have yet to see and experience. I love the adventures that keep popping up!

New Year

Oh my... something new.

I have a secret I cannot tell.

Maybe soon... I'm just waiting to see.

dun dun dun dunnnnn

No I didn't die

My power adapter did. And since it's a frigging MAC of course I can't just pick up a new one without trekking to the Apple Store. And so I get there and find out that all the stores are sold out and they are back ordered online for a month!

Just my luck!

Oddities of the ordinary.

I'm a blogger at heart, I think. :) I've come to the conclusion that people can sap me dry emotionally and I turn into an empty shell, I just exist. So by the same token, It's important for me to take charge and disassociate myself from people who effect me negatively. Not easy when you're already limited in the friends market, tho it's really not terrible seeing that I'm really a bit of a loner anyway. I do get lonely occasionally and I do look for companionship occasionally, but I don't need constant attention to stay satisfied. Really really. So, I'm more relaxed, more concentrated, happier... than I was for sure but it's still an upward climb!

So, the urge to get back to this has once again set in and I'm rediscovering the joy I once had in going throughout my day imagining JUST HOW I might express something that I'd experienced that day, in words. It's always a challenge to capture the full emotion and essence, but that's the beauty of writing. Having a blog seems to help me keep focus on certain aspects that I'm thinking about a lot and work through them, like concentrating on untangling a knot. Now, I'll let you in on the formula to untangling a knot... Emma-style, it's proven to be effective each and every time. :) Step 1: First off you need to idiotically shake the wire or string around, starting off gently and calmly but working your way up to furiously. all the while being oblivious to how much worse you're making it - still *hoping* to loosen it. Do this for about 8 - 12 minutes non-stop and if anyone says anything to you just glare at them and tell them you know what you're doing. Step 2: Once said person leaves the room get really really mad! Cuss and swear at it and let it know good and hard how fucking annoying it is, make sure you jump up and down a few times too as you're talking to it - let it know who's boss!! Step 3: Sit down. Take 5 -7 deep breaths, and resume steps 1 - 3 Step 4: After you're about to give up *forever* sit down again, carefully focus on the mass of a knot that is at least double what you started with and slowly begin disentangling it. Voila!!! You're done!

Oh that's SO me!!

I'm studying my wines as I'm writing this and are they confuuuusing! There are so many variables depending on age, region, percentage of certain grapes etc etc. How anyone can REALLY say they know about wines is incredible, but I guess that's why certified wine experts are allowed to be arrogant cuz in actuality they are not human at all but GOD'S! :) I haven't yet had the pleasure of visiting our most famous "wine lands" here in California after being here a YEAR!! That's unacceptable I'll say! I'ma have to find myself some cool peeps who'd like to roll with me, taste a ton of wine and get lost in the vineyards at sunset. :) So wish me luck! Interview tomorrow at Lucca!! May the gods smile on me.

My Song For Life

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me..
Always love… Hate will get you everytime
Always love… Don’t wait till the finish line

Slow demands come 'round
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out
It helps to write it down
Even when you then cross it out

But Always Love… Hate will get you every time
Always Love… Even when you are defied

Self-directed lies
I want to know what it’d be like to
Aim so high above
every card that has been dealt you...

Always Love… Hate will get you every time
Always Love… Hate will get you

I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs,
I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs.
You said…
Hey, you good ones.
Hey, you good ones.

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me
Always love…hate will get you everytime
Always love…hate will get you…

- Always Love by Nada Surf

PS If they are ever in your neighbourhood you should really try to see these guys live. Amazing!

Yesterday...

Realization can be harsh. I've never been so powerless and at someone elses mercy till yesterday. I only make it worse, I know, but I guess I can't let go till I know. Now I know.

Oh look! A quote from my blog. Sums things up!

"Sigh

My brain hurts, my heart hurts, I cut my little finger and THAT HURTS, but I was unlucky to be a born a Piscean who can never escape pain, so this is no new phenomenon. Twist my cloud and it rains, and when it rains it bloody well pours! But ah! Sweet tears, they rejuvenate the soul and clear the fog from your eyes. I'm not afraid to cry, but I would so prefer to do so with someone holding me. :)"

I'm determined. I just feel a little alone in the world right now.

Dedicated to Luchi, incase she thinks she's forgotten...

I'm skipping out on Halloween oartying this weekend, not feeling the great organization of ready made, expensive costumes this time. Besides I don't think my style would really fly, or perhaps it will fly more than I'd be ready for. I'm letting this one pass, I'm not American enough to CELEBRATE whatever it is we're celebrating just yet. Hell I didn't even know what candied corn was till yesterday. (people looked at me funny, I smiled inwardly) I think if one grows up with traditions it just comes naturally to dedicate a day to candy and poorly made outfits with the same price tag as a good pair of jeans. Someday, someday.

So yesterday I had the day off, went to breakfast with Teresa and for a change I didn't famously order those huge platters that I think I can finish and never can. When it comes to breakfast I ALWAYS think I can eat a pile of pancakes that takes half to plate, 2 sausages, 2 bits of bacon, 2 eggs, toast and potatoes. It took some restraint but I actually only had potatoes, an egg and 2 sausages. I ATE IT ALL!!! HURRAYY!! hehe. I think it has something to with the fact that I'm kinda bad these days... I see buying as food as such a waste of money so I try to spend as little as possible and usually try to get all my nutrients into one meal. Yep. One meal. Stop glaring! Hey, this is the first time it's just me taking care of me, so I think I am allowed to go through the process of learning how to not die... you know eat and stay alive, that kinda thing. I'm working on it!!!

Oh a few good things lately. So we walked around downtown yesterday, the weather is so beautiful right now. Just a little crisp and coldness to the air. Leaves are starting to fall. To me it's definitely the season to be in love. (This is nostalgia speaking.) All those things that makes fall so special are the things you want to do with someone you love. So I suppose it makes me a little sad as it's making me feel cosy inside but it's also times like these that I wonder how many times I've taken the special ones in my life for granted. I know we can only learn this after the fact, after we've lost or after we've caused hurt and it's hard to just accept. The awesome thing about the future is that ANYTHING can happen. It's easy for me to look back and reminisce at what once was, but I'm learning it does me no good. I'm going forward to the future this time, going to become the type of person who I'd admire, that's the plan anyway.

I have an interview to serve at a very high-end restaurant called Lucca (french/mediterranean) next Wednesday. I'm really quite nervous as I haven't been a server that long and the place where I am currently working is a little bit relaxed and anything goes. If you want to toss the guests plates on to the table you probably could. No not really, I guess there's just a lot of etiquette that I haven't been taught and nobody's really cared if I knew the winelist or not. So I know nothing about wine and am about to give myself a crash course, which should be interesting if nothing more than an oportunity to conquer my ignorance and a happy time winetasting! :) Finger's crossed I get the job as the money will be so much better, but if not it will just make me a better sever where I am now. So either way. But... please, the way I want!!

So this actually started as reply to an email from Chris (gasp! I actually was about to write SOMEBODY!!!) who is currently in Greece for the rest of the year! Let's all take a moment to be very very jealous................ But passed the first paragraph I decided I needed to turn it into a blog. Oh wow. I'm writing a blog! Am I? Really? Sweet!

Carpe Diem. I'm alive and there's a world out there that's missing out on me, so I think I'm gonna go see what the hell it wants!! I'll be around. Don't worry about me, I haven't forgotten you!!

So Cool!

Who's with me??

LF SF OH YEAH!